How to Conquer Fear Through Humility

To preface - over 6 months ago I published my first blog post launching this here adventure. In that initial post I committed myself to delivering a new post and newsletter weekly. I even had a list of all the ideas I wanted to write about. What followed? ~crickets~

I've thought about this countless times since, yet, I always found myself paralyzed at the idea of even opening the webpage. Forget about writing another post and exposing myself to opinions, criticism, and whatever else could come my way. I quickly resented the idea of blogging and convinced myself this is simply not for me. The story in my head went like this:

I'm not a writer. I'm not a story teller. I'm not good at summarizing and paraphrasing. My opinions aren't worthy. I don't have experiences people can relate to. There's already so many people doing this no one is going to want to read what I have to say. I'll leave this to the pro's. I'm not someone who shares information online. I'm not vulnerable and I just don't do this kind of stuff. That was a cool exercise, I got a lot of creative writing down in conceptualizing The Humility Experiment. I wanted to publish a post, I did. Dopamine, check! All good, time to return to my comfort zone and move on with life.

Unsurprisingly my risk-adverse self only shared that post with my fiancé, Lily, who also told her mom. I didn't tell another soul including my own mother which as a self-proclaimed momma’s boy speaks volumes. The reasons that kept me from pursuing another post were the same reasons why I refused to share this site with anyone. I’m not a writer. I’m not a storyteller. I don’t have experiences people can relate to. I don’t have anything to offer on a blog. I just don't.

And I’m freaking terrified to let myself think otherwise.

I found a deep curiosity leaning into why I felt that way. Why is it so easy to let fearful thoughts prevail? As it turns out, that "terrifying" fear has shown up EVERYWHERE, for as long as I can remember. A fear of judgement, disappointment, vulnerability, failure, commitment, fear of the unknown, and a fear of humility. Anytime my thoughts, ideas, dreams, and visions get close to the edge of my comfort zone, I create defense mechanisms to drive myself back in line and avoid that exposure. I let fear run the show.

These defense mechanisms tend to be in the form of negative thoughts, stomach churning anxiety and extended periods of elevated stress. Just in typing this out I find myself thinking:

• I’m way too busy as it is. (easiest way to justify saying "no")

• No one is going to think this is a good idea.

• I’m going to get embarrassed.

• I’m not going to follow through.

• It’s not worth pursuing.

• Stay in your lane.

• You’re Chris from Beer Tree. Not a Blogger. You can't be anything else. That's all you'll ever be.

It's embarrassing to admit as an "entrepreneur" I have an almost uncontrollable fear that impacts so many areas of my life. So often, I find myself caught between the idea and the execution. Ideas are easy - dreaming, brainstorming, pondering "what if's". I love that phase and I can comfortably sit in it for endless amounts of time. It's the execution and beyond that makes me so fearful and triggers my internal warning alarm. Change freaks me out. Not having all the answers freaks me out. Uncertainty, yes - you guessed it, freaks me out.

The more negative thoughts I have, the more excitement pools within my soul knowing that I need to dig into the fear. I am going to make myself SQUIRM. And there’s some twisted beauty in that. Lily recently shared with me one of the most influential Ted Talks that I have seen thus far that leans into this concept. Jia Jiang's "What I learned from 100 day's of rejection."

If you haven't watched this yet, I highly recommend. Jia shares his story about conquering his fear of rejection by intentionally throwing himself into situations where rejection was imminent. Asking a stranger for $100, going up to the counter and asking for a burger refill, and 98 other situations that were bound to end in rejection. What if I were to use his approach to desensitize myself to all the fears I struggle with?

Jia uses exposure therapy to conquer his fear of rejection. Sounds.....intimidating. This style of therapy has been scientifically demonstrated to be a helpful form of treatment (or a component of treatment) for phobias, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, OCD, PTSD, and generalized anxiety disorder. When people are fearful of something - objects, activities or situations - they create an avoidance mechanism. This can bring relief in the short term but over time it compounds and makes the fear even worse.

I love the idea of this. But thinking about taking this from idea to action of putting myself in uncomfortable, fearful situations on a daily basis is giving me a stomach ache. Shocking! Starting with my fear of writing and posting content publicly.

Think of Kevin McCallister in Home Alone. He is afraid of the basement, old man Marley, and of course the burglars.

"This is ridiculous. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house."

This is how I'm feeling with my current situation. I'm tired of being a wimp and letting these fears control me. Time to build up some courage and embrace my fears.

Maybe for 100 days, or 1 month or even 1 week I shift my mindset: I am a writer. I am a storyteller. I do have relatable experiences. I will lean into the fear. Breach my comfort zone. Allow myself to be so vulnerable it's almost unbearable. Begin the process of desensitizing these fears one at a time and working through those emotions via exposure therapy. What could go wrong?

My mother shared an affirmation with me many years ago that still rings through my brain every so often. “I’m strong, I’m confident, and I can do it.” I can do anything I set my mind to. Like getting real uncomfortable with my fears.

Thanks for reading! Interested in watching me get super uncomfortable and awkward on TikTok, Insta and other platforms as I work through these fears? Give me a follow! And please subscribe to my newsletter to know when new content drops!

Stay humble my friends ✌️